Love Quiz 4

At What Stage is Your Marriage?

Marriage: What stage is your marriage now? This is an important question because if you can identify the stage your marriage is in it may give you some insight into your marriage's dynamics. Thereby giving you the possible opportunity to make your marriage thrive!

1. Read the following relationship stage descriptions carefully.
2. Based on the descriptions you have just read, what stage(s) do you think your relationship is in now? Why?
3. What can you do, if it applies, to improve your relationship based on the stage it is in?
4. What is anything, will you do to implement the changes you could make?
5. If you plan on putting a plan into effect, when will you start?
6. If you plan in putting a plan into effect, how will you know you have been successful?       

Relationships go through specific stages, and the stages initially follow a sequential pattern. Later a mix and match theme can follow until a comfortable blend is secured.

The Stages of a Relationship

Stage 1 - You have found heaven on earth." (Fantasy)

This is the earliest stage of a relationship. It is romantic and sweet and even a bit painful at times. Your eyes meet across a crowded room and all you can think about is your new lover’s lips .And kissing them. All of your conversations are fun, and/or sensitive and wonderful. Your lover is the most interesting person you have ever known. Time apart is excruciating. Your imagination wanders to thoughts of other people they could be dating when you are not together. Those thoughts torture your emotions and you want to turn back but are compelled forward. You are on a high. It’s a good thing your feet are planted firmly on the ground or you most assuredly would float away.  The object of your affection can do no wrong in your eyes. Even though you may have spats here and there, they are harmless and they are often resolved with a hug, kiss and reassurances of love. You and your lover feel as if you could walk off hand and hand into the sunset. You can’t imagine ever being without your new love. Life is so good and everything is hearts and flowers. You and your lover are in this romantic nirvana that feels as if it could last for a lifetime… happily ever after. What you never bargain on is what happens before you get to the "ever after" part and that’s where stage 2 comes in …..

Stage 2 - Your God-like lover is (unfortunately) all too human." (Reality)

This stage can feel like you have just run into a brick wall going 150 miles an hour. And when you wake up from the crash you ask “what happened?”
This is the stage where you find out your Adonis or Athena has faults, some very serious and disturbing faults. She actually bites her finger nails. And it’s scary seeing her without makeup in the morning. Can you imagine? And he is an Internet junkie. You want to get him into Internet junkie’s 12-step program.  And he stays up all night and sleeps until noon.  And she is forever late and he opens his mouth when he eats. And she is gassy! Gassy! And he spends money like there is no tomorrow. His idea of a romantic evening is holding hands with you while you watch boxing on television. In stage 1 you had sweet fights. The banter went back and forth, and back and forth. As the silly argument persisted others around you wanted to gag. Now, you find that the arguments turn to more serious matters. He gets upset because she won’t stop emailing and talking to her ex’s and other men who obviously still have crushes on her. He tells her it hurts his feelings in so many words but her ego needs the attention from the opposite gender so much that she overlooks his feelings and does this anyway. He starts to feel she is not giving him and their relationship the proper respect. She cajoles and jokes away his feelings as if to dismiss them.  And he feels like an idiot because he gave up many past pleasures in order to give her his present and future. And she did not play by the rules.  She gets upset with him because he doesn’t clean things in the way that she thinks they need to be cleaned. And she feels exhausted because she has to tell him the same things over and over again.  The couple has more fights in this stage than at any other time but the relationship also gets more real. If the couple can endure, adjust and accept the faults of the loved one, they probably will go on to stage three. The challenge in Stage 2 is that it appears to be the longest of the three stages and also, some couples flip-flop between the stages, though there is usually a more predominant stage. Stage 2 is the most difficult but can offer the greatest insights. You learn more about yourself and how you relate across the board as well as how you operate within certain relationship dynamics. You learn what kinds of personalities work for you and which one’s to avoid. This stage can help you open your heart or forever close it down. It would be impossible for a couple to stay in stage 1 indefinitely, you just don’t have enough energy to keep up with the whirlwind of emotions and passion. Some people get addicted to state 1 and think if their relationship moves into state 2 it is over. They are “romance addicts.” As soon as the honeymoon is over, so to speak, they are long gone. This of course is wrong thinking.   Everything changes just by virtue of being in this world. If the couple can navigate this reality stage, it will be well worth the drop over to Stage 3. They will be happy they stuck it out once they arrive in Stage 3.

This is the stage of peace and contentment. This is the stage that you see couples sitting next to each other smiling and talking about interests and/or life experiences with ease and comfort. You both know and accept yourselves. And you know and accept the other person as well.  You both know each other better than anyone else and love each other anyway. The wild manic swings are replaced by a quiet resilient and committed love.   It is the acceptance stage. You’ve been through the fantasy of romance and intense passion. You’ve been through the reality stage, and have come to the conclusion that your God-like lover is as human and imperfect as you are and that’s life. In this stage all the petty nonsense slips away and a solid foundation of love, acceptance and respect remains. Couples that have been married for a long time have a better chance of getting to this stage if they stay together through stage 2.  Some couples are fortunate to have successfully made their way through stage 2 fairly quickly. And then there are the folks who get stuck in stage 1 and/or 2. They break up before they even have a change of getting to stage 3.  Most relationships don’t evolve to this stage because couples cannot withstand the test and trails of stage 2.  Much, of course, depends on the people involved. Couples usually are in the same stage at the same time.  Consequently couples that hang in and on to one another and make it to this lucky stage have peace and contentment.

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