End the Gender Wars (10 Ways to Bring Peace to Yourself and Find True Love)
1.
Acknowledge your wounds (to yourself) from past encounters or relationships, and get into therapy and/or do the needed healing work before you date or involve yourself with anyone romantically. Most people do not do the required work on themselves after they have been hurt. They push it under the rug, complain about it, and pass it on…and the cycle continues. The tricky part of it all is that most of us are not aware of the impact a past difficult or hurtful relationship has had on us until we are well into another relationship. We owe it to ourselves and anyone we should choose to be with, to make it a life-long practice to work on the intricacies of our own psyche.
2.
Understand that both genders have had their heartaches.Many wars are perpetuated because the factions cannot look at each other as being human. It is the practice of both genders to reflect on the crimes committed by the offending sides. They do not recognize or seem to care that we all have had experiences that harden our hearts against one another. And the result benefits no one.
3.
Find positive role models to emulate.How many times do you hear the horrible stories about love relationships never working out and always ending in disaster? Look around and see what works for couples. There are many who are happy. Focus your attention on them.
4.
Practice kindness (treat people the way you want to be treated). The operative word is " healthy". If you treat a well-balanced individual with kindness and respect they will return the favor. If you are not treated well in response to your kindness, get out and away and find someone that is able to respond in this way. Life is too short to put yourself with people that are not worthy of your goodness.
5.
Build up your self-esteem. Some of us feel worse about ourselves overall than others, and this needs attention if it is low. Most of us have areas or issues in our lives that are gray areas, that is, we could go either way, feel great about ourselves or feel inadequate. It is important to build yourself up as much as possible, as there is a strong correlation between esteem level and happiness and success in love relationships.
6.
Stop looking at other people as being the source of all of your problems. Who was it that said when we point our finger at other people as the problem causers in our lives there are four other fingers pointing at us? While it can be a bit disconcerting looking at our mistakes, it is also empowering. Once we gather up our wits and see what we have created, we can then make changes in ourselves . This is reflected in all of our future relationships.
7.
Be real. Is not fair to study and use certain methods of manipulation and psychological strategies from workshops and seminars. In order to be in a healthy relationship we need to be who we really are, and not use a contrived set of learned skills to manipulate and trap a partner. In the long run, like attracts like. If we are healthy well-functioning people, we will attract that to us because anything less will not be desirable.
8.
Practice discernment in your selection of romantic involvements. It is often expressed by people either getting into, or already deeply involved in unhealthy relationships, that all the signs were there - the person was not able to be in a relationship, or that the relationship was not working well. But thses people continued to stay in it. Perhaps staying becomes habit. Or, we are in denial. Or, we convince ourselves that we love the person. The truth is we are not in love. Think very carefully before even approaching or allowing someone to approach you. Find out important things about the person’s morals, values, integrity level, similariities and/or compatibility. Go slowly.
9.
Stay positive! Understand that there are many nice and appropriate people out there for you. Don’t give up! Just like you are a good person and available, there are many others like you who are ready and able to be loving. We create what we believe to be true, so check yourself very carefully to see what your believe. It may take longer to meet an appropropriate person, but as you enjoy your life, and hold onto the belief that there are many people worth your time and heart, you will find them.
10.
Grow up! Take responsibility for your part in the reason past relationships, or encounters, did not work. Learn from the experiences and move on. It is a hard pill for most of us to swallow that we have some part in the reason our encounters are less than effective relationships and don’t last, but it is true!. Some may argue that the person behaved poorly and they did all they could to make the relationship work. Yet, we initially may have chosen a person that could not be in a relationship. Perhaps we have intimacy issues, so we select someone who reflects our own fear. So it goes. Understand who your toxic people are and stay away from them. This will give you freedom, and you can make more informed choices, figure out what it is you want and need in a relationship and create it…
